by Thabile » Sat Jun 18, 2022 3:12 pm
I hurt someone I loved very deeply when I was very young, around 22 years old. And I’ve had to live with the consequences since then. I’m 46 today. Here is a short version of what happened:
My girlfriend and I were being evicted from our apartment because of his loyal dog. Our apartment was just 4 miles from his family home and workshop. Of course, Casper wanted to be with his “Dad” at night so even though David left him at the shop in the evenings, Casper was always on our front porch the next morning. I tried to explain this to the apartment manager, but for whatever reason, she evicted us anyway.
I was distraught! I had lived in the apartment for nearly 4 years! I had 2 young children and the apartment was perfect, having 3 bedrooms and the rent was very reasonable. My family lived about 60 miles away, so my boyfriend was basically my only emotional support for every day life issues. I didn’t know what we were going to do or where we were going to move to, and I had only 30 days to figure it out.
About 10 days into the 30 days I had to vacate the apartment, my boyfriend’s father was burned very badly in a welding accident out at their workshop. We got the phone call that they were taking his father to the nearest trauma unit, nearly 100 miles away. Of course we immediately rushed to the hospital. We stayed a few days, but I knew I had to get back home to figure out our living arrangements as well as going back to work. My boyfriend said he was staying at the hospital and when I objected, telling him I needed his help packing and moving, not to mention finding us a place, he let me know in no uncertain terms that he didn’t give a crap about anything but making sure his father received the best care available and that I was on my own regarding the eviction and move!! I was working full-time with toddlers to take care of at night! I was overwhelmed and didn’t know how I was going to do everything that needed to be done, by myself, in the short time I had left. I was furious with him for abandoning us when we needed him the most.
Regardless, I returned home alone and did the best that I could. I found an apartment, packed all of our belongings, worked full time during the day and took care of my babies at night. I was worn out, sad and lonely, and needed a friend to talk to. And guess who knocked on my door at that very moment??
My boyfriend’s lifelong, married best friend. He had just recently returned home from the army and hadn’t heard about David’s father yet, so just dropped by to say hello, thinking David would be home. It was obvious that I was upset and had been crying when I answered the door, so naturally, he was very concerned. He came in and I told him what was going on, how upset and tired I was, and how awful David was treating me, etc, etc, etc.
Long story short, he moved closer to comfort me because I was really crying at that point, and as you probably have figured out by now, one thing led to another and we ended up in bed together that evening.
It was awkward and uncomfortable and we actually didn’t end up having sex because we both felt horrible about betraying David. I loved him and didn’t really want to be with another man. Darrell respected his friend and didn’t want to cheat on his wife either. We swore one another to secrecy before he left, and I fully intended to keep my silence forever!
Unbeknownst to me and Darrell, a neighbor and good friend of both David and Darrell had seen Darrell’s truck in the parking lot, and eventually, he mentioned it to David. It was a few months after the incident, and I had become pretty confident that David would never find out. When he asked me about it, I was caught so off guard and hesitated too long before coming up with an answer, that he immediately became suspicious.
Even though I kept my promise and never admitted what had happened, he pretty much figured it out. He was furious and made me go with him to Darrell’s house. There, he confronted Darrell, in front of his wife and it was just a huge mess!
David and I broke up and so did Darrell and his wife. Both of our happy homes had been destroyed by one stupid choice to not be honest about a very small indiscretion, that probably would have been forgiven had we not lied about it.
That isn’t even the worst part.
David and Darrell had been best friends since they were 5 years old. They were 27 when all of this happened. They never spoke again after that day.
David died about a year and a half later in a motorcycle accident.
I have, of course, moved on in the 22 years since David’s death. I’ve never seen or spoken to Darrell since that day at his house when David confronted him about being at our house while he was in the city. I know he probably hates me. I wouldn’t blame him if he did.
But boy, what a harsh punishment for such a small indiscretion. I can’t help but wonder how our lives might have been different had I made the choice to be honest about what happened. I think it could have been resolved without our relationships being severed if we had simply been honest.
I’ll never know. So I try not to think about it anymore. But, there are times when the memories creep up and I let myself grieve for the past and all that might have been but never was.
I’m sorry. More sorry than David or Darrell ever knew.
I hurt someone I loved very deeply when I was very young, around 22 years old. And I’ve had to live with the consequences since then. I’m 46 today. Here is a short version of what happened:
My girlfriend and I were being evicted from our apartment because of his loyal dog. Our apartment was just 4 miles from his family home and workshop. Of course, Casper wanted to be with his “Dad” at night so even though David left him at the shop in the evenings, Casper was always on our front porch the next morning. I tried to explain this to the apartment manager, but for whatever reason, she evicted us anyway.
I was distraught! I had lived in the apartment for nearly 4 years! I had 2 young children and the apartment was perfect, having 3 bedrooms and the rent was very reasonable. My family lived about 60 miles away, so my boyfriend was basically my only emotional support for every day life issues. I didn’t know what we were going to do or where we were going to move to, and I had only 30 days to figure it out.
About 10 days into the 30 days I had to vacate the apartment, my boyfriend’s father was burned very badly in a welding accident out at their workshop. We got the phone call that they were taking his father to the nearest trauma unit, nearly 100 miles away. Of course we immediately rushed to the hospital. We stayed a few days, but I knew I had to get back home to figure out our living arrangements as well as going back to work. My boyfriend said he was staying at the hospital and when I objected, telling him I needed his help packing and moving, not to mention finding us a place, he let me know in no uncertain terms that he didn’t give a crap about anything but making sure his father received the best care available and that I was on my own regarding the eviction and move!! I was working full-time with toddlers to take care of at night! I was overwhelmed and didn’t know how I was going to do everything that needed to be done, by myself, in the short time I had left. I was furious with him for abandoning us when we needed him the most.
Regardless, I returned home alone and did the best that I could. I found an apartment, packed all of our belongings, worked full time during the day and took care of my babies at night. I was worn out, sad and lonely, and needed a friend to talk to. And guess who knocked on my door at that very moment??
My boyfriend’s lifelong, married best friend. He had just recently returned home from the army and hadn’t heard about David’s father yet, so just dropped by to say hello, thinking David would be home. It was obvious that I was upset and had been crying when I answered the door, so naturally, he was very concerned. He came in and I told him what was going on, how upset and tired I was, and how awful David was treating me, etc, etc, etc.
Long story short, he moved closer to comfort me because I was really crying at that point, and as you probably have figured out by now, one thing led to another and we ended up in bed together that evening.
It was awkward and uncomfortable and we actually didn’t end up having sex because we both felt horrible about betraying David. I loved him and didn’t really want to be with another man. Darrell respected his friend and didn’t want to cheat on his wife either. We swore one another to secrecy before he left, and I fully intended to keep my silence forever!
Unbeknownst to me and Darrell, a neighbor and good friend of both David and Darrell had seen Darrell’s truck in the parking lot, and eventually, he mentioned it to David. It was a few months after the incident, and I had become pretty confident that David would never find out. When he asked me about it, I was caught so off guard and hesitated too long before coming up with an answer, that he immediately became suspicious.
Even though I kept my promise and never admitted what had happened, he pretty much figured it out. He was furious and made me go with him to Darrell’s house. There, he confronted Darrell, in front of his wife and it was just a huge mess!
David and I broke up and so did Darrell and his wife. Both of our happy homes had been destroyed by one stupid choice to not be honest about a very small indiscretion, that probably would have been forgiven had we not lied about it.
That isn’t even the worst part.
David and Darrell had been best friends since they were 5 years old. They were 27 when all of this happened. They never spoke again after that day.
David died about a year and a half later in a motorcycle accident.
I have, of course, moved on in the 22 years since David’s death. I’ve never seen or spoken to Darrell since that day at his house when David confronted him about being at our house while he was in the city. I know he probably hates me. I wouldn’t blame him if he did.
But boy, what a harsh punishment for such a small indiscretion. I can’t help but wonder how our lives might have been different had I made the choice to be honest about what happened. I think it could have been resolved without our relationships being severed if we had simply been honest.
I’ll never know. So I try not to think about it anymore. But, there are times when the memories creep up and I let myself grieve for the past and all that might have been but never was.
I’m sorry. More sorry than David or Darrell ever knew.